self-care. for all the buzz around the word, its still quite a tricky concept to implement much less master. breathing. eating well. keeping clean. thinking positively. those are basics for mediocre survival. somedays they can seem like an insurmountable chore. i started this blog to grow in my practice of self-care. there are so many definitions and so many directions you can go under the massive umbrella that is caring and loving yourself. this is the beginning of my journey. this is where i choose to begin.
I’ve identified the two things I’m going to start with as a practice in an effort to form a “self-care habit“.
breathe in. breathe out. something as simple as breathing is a struggle when you have anxiety. there are moments throughout the day when i realize i am holding my breath. i am literally failing to take in air. those are the moments when i am unknowingly stuffing stress into my dark spaces. i have always claimed that i do not “do” stress. i’ve always proudly stated that i don’t stress out over anything. i’m a liar. i’m just now learning that over the last four decades, i haven’t dealt with stress at all. i’ve instinctively packed it up and pushed it way down. well, i’m full. so now i have to unpack and deal with all these pretty packages i’ve left myself. welcome to the crisis part of my “mid-life crisis”.
as a way of avoiding this practice of stuffing and compacting my stress, i will breathe through the anxiety and allow myself to feel and process everything. i have just completed my first week return to my yoga practice and started meditative breathing exercises each morning.
time. now that i have identified one of the heaviest issues that i need to address. i need to allot myself time (and space) to figure it out. i’m the type of person that things usually come easy to. a quick study. figuring this out has been a beast, and i need to give myself time and and extra helping of grace. carving out time to “do me” and “figure my sh*t” out is my focus. i am not concerned with what fills that time just yet. with a marriage, children, live-in parents, a dog, a fucking global pandemic, and figuring out what color my parachute is (again), time is scarce. priorities. priorities.
this week was a return to a schedule that has always been comforting for me. i have made a very intentional effort to take time back. rather than sleeping in and avoiding what the day may bombard me with, i have returned to something that has always been me. i’m an early bird at heart. this week i have woken up every morning at 5:30 to drink coffee, sit in silence, and be with myself in contemplation. up before the husband, kids, and sun is when i can set intentions for the day, write that to-do list, appreciate the stillness before the chaos, and mentally prepare for the day. it has been an unreal mood booster to start each day this way. this is the time i have taken for myself and there is no guilt in it because it isn’t being “taken away” from something or someone else. (gotta work on that mom guilt!)
its a process. this self-love and self-discovery business. it is something i have to work on each and every day. something i must make a habit for myself. i have to keep telling myself that.
“Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment.”
Stephen Covey
Mom in Search of ME 